he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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