yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
