You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
