omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
