Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
