In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Come see our sink grown plant.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
