Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
