walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
