I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
