it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
