Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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