About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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