Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
