How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
