Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
