I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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