I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
