on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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