508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
are you so shy because you have an std?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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