So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
