Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
