I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
