dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
