I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
