sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
