I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
