yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
