do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
