If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
