I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
