Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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