September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
