and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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