I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
where are you?
Hypothermia
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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