You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
