never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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