at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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