The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
