Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
