"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
