What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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