Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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