:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize