"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
