I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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