I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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