I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
