just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
