So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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