Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize