Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
