yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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