i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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