I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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