I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
