Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
