i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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