My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
