I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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