in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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