i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
