so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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