i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
