: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
