I can't watch pbs sober anymore
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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