i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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