There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
