Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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