week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
