He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
