More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize