and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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